In today's society there are woman and men being beaten and abused every minute of every day. Please take the time to step in and help these people. It may just be your friendship or a kind word. It may be a phone call to the authorities that may save ones life. Do not sit by and do nothing, as this is serious, its not a joke. These people who are abused are frighted and have no place to run to. They are living in fear daily, it may take a word or hug to make them see this is wrong. Please take a moment of your time to read up on abuse, to see the destruction it causes in ones life. It takes years of healing to be whole again.

It is not easy to walk away from a marriage or relationship. The fear of doing so that grips ones soul is awesome. It has the power to kill ones life within, to destroy ones life forever. This fear must be over come with strength! It is an inner strength from within that will make this person whole again. Your friendship to this person can do just that, giving them the inner strength they need to go forward, to move on, to walk away from abuse.

It because a dear friend L.J. helped me learn to love myself enough to see that I needed to walk away. To stand up to this person and say "NO MORE." It is only through his friendship that I could find the strength to leave. Please reach out to those who are hurting and lost in pain. Help them see they are worthy of love and they did not cause this abuse. Back To Top

Please e-mail me if you need someone to listen and understand.

IDENTIFY THE SIGNS OF ABUSE

What do you do if you think your friend or family member is in a violent relationship? Go with your instincts - you probably wouldn't be concerned without reason. Here are some signs to look for that might indicate an abusive relationship:
1. He acts extremely jealous when other men pay attention to her.
2. She has casually mentioned his violent behavior but dismissed what happened as "not a big deal."
3. When your friend and her husband or boyfriend are together, he acts very controlling and puts her down in front of other people.
4. She becomes quiet when he is around and seems afraid of making him angry.
5. She stops seeing her friends and family members, becoming more and more isolated.
6. Her child is frequently upset or very quiet and withdrawn and won't say why.
7. You see her partner violently lose his temper, striking or breaking objects.
8. She often cancels plans at the last minute.
9. Her partner controls her finances, her behavior and even who she socializes with.
10. She often has unexplained injuries, or the explanations she offers don't quite add up. (Sometimes you won't see any bruises, as batterers target their blows to areas that can be covered with clothing.)

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HOW TO HELP A FRIEND

Just knowing that someone cares enough to ask about the abuse can break through the wall of isolation that can exist around victims of relationship abuse. You might think that something as simple as talking to a friend about abuse couldn't possibly make a difference. But it really does. If you think a friend or loved one is being abused, talk to her about it. Listen to her. Let her know you care. You don't have to be an expert. You just need to be a friend.

· Explain that relationship abuse is a crime, and that she can seek protection from the police or courts, and help from a local domestic violence program. Suggest that she call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, for advice and referrals.
· If you want to talk with someone yourself to get advice about a particular situation, contact a local domestic violence program.
· Suggest that she develop a safety plan in case of emergency: it's a good idea to keep money, important documents, a change of clothes and an extra set of keys in a safe place, such as at a friend or neighbor's house.
· Listen, without judging. Often a battered woman believes her abuser's negative messages about herself. She may feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid she will be judged by you.
· Make sure she knows she is not alone. Millions of women of every age, race and religion face abuse, and many women find it extremely difficult to deal with the violence. Emphasize that when she wants help, it is available. Let her know that domestic violence tends to get worse and become more frequent with time and that it rarely goes away on its own.
· If she decides to leave her relationship, she may need money, assistance finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings or a ride to a battered women's shelter. Think about ways you might feel comfortable helping her.
·Tell her the abuse is not her fault. Explain that physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable. There's no excuse for it - not alcohol or drugs, financial pressure, depression, jealousy or any behavior of hers.

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WHAT IF I SEE AN ASSAULT IN PROGRESS?

Domestic violence is a crime, just like robbery or rape. If you see or hear an assault in progress, call 911. If you are outside when you see a woman being assaulted on the street or in a car, write down the car license number and/or the location of the assault in progress and find the nearest phone to call the police. These situations can be dangerous, so whatever you do, be sure to keep yourself safe. But do something - don't assume that someone else has already taken care of it. Survivors of relationship abuse say that when no one acknowledged that they saw the abuse or tried to help, it made them feel even more isolated and alone.

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WHAT IF SHE DECIDES TO STAY?

It can feel frustrating when someone you know returns to a batterer or stays in an abusive relationship. It is important to understand that there are many reasons for these decisions. Just like ending any relationship is a process, leaving an abusive relationship takes time. It's even harder in a violent relationship.
In many cases, the victim fears for her life. She may also want her children to grow up with both parents, or feel guilty, believing that the abuse is her fault. Sometimes a victim's self-esteem is so damaged by the abuse that she thinks she can't make it on her own. Or she may just want the violence to end, not the relationship.
Whatever the reason for her decision to stay in the relationship, there are many ways you can help. Here's how:
· Encourage her to keep a log of what is happening to her, including evidence of threats sent in letters, email, or left on voice mail or answering machines.
· Many women stay because of their children. It is important to have a safety plan for the children as well as discuss the safety issue of the child remaining in the home.
· Suggest she tell her doctor or nurse about the violence, asking him or her to document the abuse in her medical records and take photographs of her injuries. Offer to take the photos yourself, and suggest she store them in a safe place, along with a written description of what happened. These records will be helpful for her if she decides to take legal action in the future.
· If she reveals that she is being stalked by her abuser, encourage her to call a domestic violence hotline to get help developing a safety plan, including information about a protection from abuse court order. Stalking is against the law.
· Help her identify resources to help her take care of herself, get her emotional support and build her self-esteem.

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WHAT IF SHE DECIDES TO LEAVE?

The most important thing you can do is help her develop a safety strategy, which includes setting aside money and important documents in a safe place and making a plan to escape from the violence. If she decides to leave her relationship, she may need money, help finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings, or help getting to a battered women's program. Decide if you feel comfortable helping her in these ways. Battered women's programs can help.

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